


glitter

by Elfwitch



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 01:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20073790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfwitch/pseuds/Elfwitch
Summary: How does five become three and two? We all had a dream in which we saw come to fruition only to have it shatter before our very eyes. Is this the end of Dong bang shin gi?





	glitter

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Dong bang shin gi.  
I wrote this in 2011, just my take on their 2009 breakup.

"Jae, we haven't eaten anything in three days... come on..."

Jaejoong turned his head away, his lips pink and chapped, his dark hair matted and falling over his eyes. At some point Yunho managed to get his friend to eat. Then towards nightfall the two found themselves tucked into an alleyway, Jaejoong puking his guts out on the side of a building.

"I... told you, Yunho--" He wheezed, a film of off-colored water spraying from his mouth. Jaejoong collapsed against Yunho's body, tired and sick. They slept uneasily that night, huddled close together. Jaejoong shivering against him, Yunho feeling powerless to end their suffering. It had been his idea for the two of them to drop out of school and travel out to Seoul to become entertainers in the music industry. Now with them broke, starving and homeless on the streets, he regretted dragging Jaejoong out with him. Yunho rested his head on top of Jaejoong's and stared up at the night sky, ink-colored without a star in sight.

"I'm sorry Jaejoong, I didn't think we'd end up like this. I'll try to get enough money to send you back home." Yunho winced when Jaejoong pinched his arm.

"Shut-up," it took everything out of Jaejoong just to say that one word, but he meant it. "We made a promise, remember? I will never leave you."

Those words comforted Yunho greatly as the harsh world they inhabited swallowed them whole. At that time, at the age of fourteen he believed in Jaejoong's words, believed that the two of them would never part, but always be together. Even though they were the same sex, Yunho couldn't imagine spending his life with anyone else. Jaejoong was his and he would always protect him, be there for him, no matter what.

Scene ii: this is the start, this is our destiny.

"I'm really nervous," Jaejoong admitted as him and Yunho stood off to the side and held each others hands tightly. Yunho had just finished his song and dance number, so he was sweating, smiling anxiously at Jaejoong.

"What if I'm still tone deaf? What if they hate me? I won't make it Yunho, they'll tear us apart!"

"Shh!" Yunho said quickly, looking around them. He then focused his stern gaze on Jaejoong. 

"Just do your best, remember, I won't ever leave you, if they can't take us both, then we'll leave together."

Jaejoong looked like he was going to cry, but then some invisible voice called his name and Jaejoong knew it was time.

"I love you," he whispered quickly to Yunho, before running inside of the audition room, the door closing with finality behind him. They had told Yunho they liked his dance moves and he would receive a call back. He just hoped that they loved Jaejoong's voice just as much.

"Hey, why don't you sit down?" Yunho looked to see a boy just as girly-looking as Jaejoong sitting off to the side with his legs crossed. It was strange, because the other boys hair was dyed red, which was unusual for anyone other than singers. He looked both younger and older at the same time in made Yunho think he was frivolous yet kind.

"I don't think I can, that's my friend in there and I'm really nervous for him."

"Well, it's a good thing that you didn't show it, you honestly looked like a husband comforting his wife." He smirked at the blush that stained the younger boys cheeks. "How old are you?"

"Fifth-teen, me and Joongie are the same age." The older boy didn't seem to care about that.

"Heechul, I'm seventeen; I came here with my friend Kangin, though he went somewhere to use the bathroom. We're trying to debut together in the same group, though he wants to be an host and comedian."

"What do you want to be?"

Heechul shrugged. "I don't really care for this, but I'm beautiful, so I figured it was meant for me to be in showbiz."

Yunho honestly didn't know what to say in reply to that, so he just politely turned away. He wanted to go up to the door and press his ear against it. Yunho could hear sound, but he couldn't really tell if Jaejoong was singing or not.

"I'm scared hyung," came a loud cry from the front of the line. It looked to be two much younger boys standing together, from their position not too far away from where him and Jaejoong had been stationed, he figured one of them was up next.

"Don't be," the one with the squeaky voice scolded an air of superiority surrounding him. "It's going to be fine, so don't be sad!"

"I'm not sad," the other boy refuted. "I'm just really nervous, there's a whole bunch of knots in my stomach and I feel as if I'm going to hurl."

"Don't throw up on me!"

Yunho snickered. He couldn't help it, they just looked so small and cute, even though the scared one looked taller than him. They must have heard him, because they looked in his direction. Yunho feeling righteous all of a sudden walked toward them and placed a comforting hand on the scared boy's shoulder.

"My friend is in there now and he was nervous too, but I told him everything was going to work out fine, because this is our destiny."

The door to the audition room opened and Jaejoong wandered out. A slight panic overtaking him when he didn't see Yunho standing where he had left him.

"Yunho!" Jaejoong rushed over to the other boy, tears in his eyes. "They said they liked my voice, I need work to make it more stronger, but they're interested and are going to call me back!"

"See? I told you Jae, it would be fine!" The two looked like they wanted to hug each other, but didn't. A woman suddenly appeared at the door and called out the next name on the list: Kim Junsu. The other let out a sound much like that of a dolphin and rushed into the audition room. Yunho turned back to the younger boy, who didn't look quite so scared anymore.

"Hey, what's your name? My name is Yunho and this is Jaejoong."

"Changmin," the boy responded. "And thanks." He walked off after that to wait for his turn. Jaejoong giving Yunho a questioning look, wondering why the other had thanked him. Yunho just laughed nervously and took Jaejoong's hand. He had a feeling that their dream, that seemed so far off and bleak a year ago, was about to finally be realized.

Yunho had a feeling that they were going to be bigger than anyone else before them, and after.

scene iii: dong bang family, prologue.

Yoochun was American, well not American, but he had lived most of his life in America. He was the last member to join their family and Yunho wasn't quite sure on whether he really liked the pretty-faced, gangly-bodied boy or not. Him and Jaejoong seemed to click quickly, like they'd known each other all their lives and even though it was always him that Jaejoong turned to, even in the years that was to come, Yunho couldn't help but think that with Yoochun's arrival he had lost a huge chunk of Jaejoong. Half of his heart, that he would never own again.

The two of them had originally been paired with Heechul (someone whom had become a dear friend to Yunho and confidant rather quickly) and Kangin, who scared him a little. It didn't work out and that group was scrapped. Jaejoong and him went through years more of training before being put in the more permanent group that they were in now, together. Yunho was amazed and pleased to see that the two boys from years earlier had been put in their unit as well: Junsu and Changmin.

"Oh, wow, I'm in a group with you hyung?" Changmin had whispered to him almost shyly, his dark eyes sparkling.

They were called Dong Bang Shin Gi, which meant Rising Gods of the East. A rather huge name to live up to, but the five of them were certain that they would manage to somehow. On top of all the rigorous dance sessions and vocal training exercises, they were in the studio from sun up to sun down recording their first album. The first song that they would release, they were told was going to be Hug. Yunho thought that they couldn't have chosen a better song to debut with, he had good feelings about this one.

It turned out that his good feeling had been a valid one, because Hug turned out to be a huge hit. They became an overnight sensation, winning awards left and right and breaking all the music records there ever were, even amassing the highest fanclub member qouta (only to go on to be beaten by the Japanese idol group Arashi). Fame of course came with it's consequences, being as huge and popular as they were they got next to no privacy, absolutely zero, so the relationship that had blossomed between Yunho and Jaejoong during their youth, and flourished during the start of their success had to be stifled and eventually snuffed out.

Yunho never would have thought that as he had held Jaejoong while the cold night air hit them from all sides, that he would one day have to turn away from Jaejoong when he looked at him expectantly or in longing. That he would have to ignore Jaejoong, almost to the point of annoyance when the other man glanced in his direction (sometimes turning his entire body) for some form of recognition, some form of love.

"Things are changing between us Yunho-yah, everything is changing." Jaejoong's voice was soft, but Yunho could tell he was pleading with him.

"It's all in your head Joongie, it's just our supporters are getting fanatic and Soo Man just wants us to do a little damage control until it blows over a little, people actually think we're a real couple."

"We are a real couple."

"Yes, but they aren't suppose to know that."

There were times in which Yunho wished that he could just grab Jaejoong and kiss those pouty, sexy lips of his and let the whole world know that Jaejoong was his, but he couldn't do that. To do that would mean the end of everything they had hungered for, striven for, sweated, bled and cried for. The end of their dreams. The end of Dong Bang Shin Gi.

scene iv: those days we longed for, were they worth it?

The change was long coming but apparent. The rift separating Yunho and Changmin from Junsu, Yoochun and Jaejoong. Changmin who was so much like the son Jaejoong could never have was turning against his mother, growing into a man and rebelling. As much as he loved Jaejoong, he wanted his own room to live and breath, to be looked upon as more than just the maknae of the biggest Asian boy group ever.

The three more popular singers (especially Jaejoong who was huge in Japan) were becoming restless and dissatisfied with everything that was and wasn't happening around them. Their near in-humane work schedule, lack of sleep, lack of privacy and freedom. The feeling that even though they had done all of this, accomplished so much, they still weren't able to live the lives that they had always wanted to.

"How can the three of you be unhappy, we have everything we ever wanted, why are you being so ungrateful?" Yunho shouted, Changmin standing behind his shoulder looking lost.

"What did you say!?" Yoochun exclaimed, taking an agitated step towards the leader of their group. Junsu quickly grabbed his arm, his features upset, his eyes staring at Yunho in disbelief. "You're our leader are you saying you won't stand behind us on this?"

"No, how could I? You want to go against Soo Man, we would have nothing without him!"

"You're a coward!"

Yunho looked like he was going to hit Yoochun, but Jaejoong decided to intervene and pushed Yunho back. The two of them had had their share of fights during the near ten years they had been together, but this was it, this was the end of everything they'd ever had. Jaejoong was always the one crying on his shoulder we they were kids, but once they got famous he hardly ever shed of tear. And there were no tears in his eyes as he glared into Yunho's, everything in those dark pools screaming betrayal.

"Joongie, this is ridiculous, how can you all do this to us, our group, our fans?"

"Yunho this is bigger than all that, this is our lives we're talking about, how can you continue to live like this, continue to pretend that nothing is wrong, that nothing has changed?"

Changmin had turned and walked out at that moment. Junsu made a movement to go after him, but instead took Yoochun's hand, feeling as if the earth had opened up and he was falling into nothing-ness. Jaejoong didn't even acknowledge Changmin's departure, however Yunho flinched when the door closed and looked away.

"If you do this there's no turning back, you know, it's over."

Yunho suddenly grabbed Jaejoong's wrist jerking the smaller man forward, almost violently.

"We're over."

Jaejoong's eyes filled with tears, but he set his jaw and stepped away from Yunho. Yunho looked over Jaejoong's head and at Yoochun and Junsu feeling as if he had been slapped in the face and punched in the gut all in one go. The backstabbing was too much, and Yunho felt his world reeling. How could they go on not together? They had made a promise, not as just Yunho and Jaejoong, but as five, as Dong Bang Shin Gi. They had made a vow that they would always be together.

It was quiet once the door had slammed closed behind Yunho. Yoochun walking over and placing a hand on Jaejoong's trembling shoulder, pressing his face into the paler man's neck; Junsu coming forward slowly to gently wipe away Jaejoong's tears.

scene v: dong bang family, epilogue.

The last concert felt like a farewell even though nothing had really been finalized. They were still releasing music and promoting themselves as a group, pretending as if nothing major had transpired between them. As if everything was just fine. Even so it felt very stiff and rehearsed between them, especially when it came to when Yoochun, Junsu and Jaejoong had to interact with Yunho and Changmin. If one looked closely enough you could feel the animosity, radiating in the air around them, until even the viewer felt awkward and uncomfortable with what was going on.

Their break-up was sudden and came without warning. A lawsuit (one of several), the formation of JYJ, Yunho and Changmin left to carry the torch that had shun so brightly when the five of them were together. The fanbase split straight down the middle. The I support JYJ and the I support Minho at each other's throats. The nuetral party off to the side shaking their heads. The I love them all and I accept this, as well as the I will always support them as five, please keep the faith. It was like a circus with no real end in sight.

JYJ were still successful as three, because it was almost like why wouldn't they be? The release of their first international English album and then Yunho and Changmin, still as DBSK releases the groups fifth Korean album, except as two. JYJ banned from all major media outlets, while the two left behind flourish even as the absence of the other three become apparent. After the numbing agent as worn off the pain settles in, and even smiling to hide the ache becomes unbearable.

scene vi: intermission, yoosu.

Junsu padded over to the door and opened it, a little surprised to see that it was Yoochun standing on the other side holding a bouquet of fresh red roses. Junsu looked at the roses then at the sheepish expression on Yoochun's face. Their relationship had drowned and Junsu wasn't sure if it could really be saved at this point. He was used to being ignored in favor of Yoochun's unwavering adoration towards Jaejoong, but this was too much.

"Thank-you," Junsu said dryly, taking the roses from Yoochun and moving to the side to let the other man in. "Is Jaejoong all right?"

"He's fine," It was a lie and they both knew it. Junsu closed the door and sighed into the roses, the sweet fragrance of them making him nauseous. "I'm more worried about you right now, you've been avoiding me."

"I do have my own life Yoochun, outside of this group and you and Jaejoong."

Yoochun didn't know what to make of that.

"Are you mad at me, is this about me and Jaejoong and how close we've gotten since the break-up?"

Junsu really wished that Yoochun hadn't of brought that up. Yoochun was of course trying to split his time up between Junsu, his actual boyfriend, and Jaejoong, who was lonely without Yunho to occupy his time. However, it seemed as if Junsu was once again losing this battle between the soulmates. As usual it seemed as if he was being left out to dry and forgotten.

"The two of you have always been close, this isn't anything new."

"You know I love you right, Junsu? We've been through a lot together, but Jaejoong is my best-friend, you have to understand--"

"You don't have to explain anything to me Yoochun, how long are you staying?" Junsu waved him off and went into the kitchen to find something to put the roses in, because eventually they were going to wither away and die, just as he and Yoochun were. Junsu jumped when he felt arms wrap around him from behind, soft lips pressing into the side of his neck. Junsu let out a soft sigh of content, despite him-self.

"I'm losing you Junsu, with each day that goes by, I feel even you slipping between my fingers. I thought we had made the right decision when we decided to part ways with SM..."

"Are you regretting our decision?"

Yoochun snorted. "No, but I didn't think doing so would be so hard. I miss the early days, when we were all together, happy, those days where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."

Junsu turned around in Yoochun's arms and kissed him, softly at first then more firmly, prying the others lips apart with his tongue. Yoochun pressed the other man against the counter, rubbing their growing erections together, loving the way Junsu's cute voice sighed against his own. He wanted the make the other man laugh and then swallow it whole. Yoochun just missed the two of them just being silly and fun and them. Those [yoosu] days, full of sun and light and laughter.

"You're crying," Junsu whispered, trailing kisses from Yoochun's cheek to his ear. "You're always crying."

They made love that night, for the first time in a long while, falling asleep in each others arms, wet with sweat and tears and semen.

scene vii: the way we were.

Yunho slid his glasses on, checking his reflection in the rear view mirror and looking around him to make sure that there wasn't anyone nearby that might recognize him and blow his cover. It was almost impossible to hide his identity, no matter how much he tried or had tried, then. Jaejoong stood in the alleyway touching the nearest wall as if remembering some far of memory from long ago.

Yunho had never before felt so nervous being in Jaejoong's presence as he did right now, but how could he not? The two of them had split ways on bad terms--throughout the past two years they had tried to salvage whatever was left of their now defunct relationship, with little results. The constant soulmate interaction like jagged shards being stabbed into his heart.

"Joongie?" Yunho ventured tentatively.

Jaejoong's shoulders stiffened and then he turned around, not seeming to be in any sort of rush. They stared at each other for a long time, just taking the other in. It had been too long since the two of them had been together, saw one another without a cold TV screen standing between them. Yunho wanted to say something like, "I miss you," but then again he also wanted to say, "I feel as if I hate you, but how could I?" Jaejoong turned away from him, the blunt off his nails scraping along the buildings side.

"It's different now, huh?" He began quietly. "It all made sense then, we knew what he wanted then, I don't know what I want anymore or even if what I did want was worth sacrificing everything."

A memory of him hunched over and gagging with Yunho standing beside him rubbing his back flashed before his eyes and before Jaejoong knew it the tears were falling, one after the other and he couldn't stop them. Yunho had took a rather alarming step toward him, but Jaejoong held out his hand, first pressing it against the other man's chest and then grabbing a fistful of Yunho's shirt.

"So let's go back," he breathed, as if continuing from where he left off. "I want to go back to those days Yunho, to the way we were."

Yunho gripped Jaejoong's wrist and then in the next second he had Jaejoong's back pressed up against the side of the building, their faces mere inches apart from one another. Jaejoong would always be beautiful, Yunho thought, and out of reach like a star.

"We can never go back to those days Jaejoong, we can only move forward. One day, even this will be a bad dream, and we'll wake up and realize how stupid we were and be together again." Yunho kissed him, a light pressing of the lips: 

"It's our destiny."

final scene: hello again.

The room was hot and they had been stuck inside of it for hours, alone, rehearsing. Junsu collapsed tiredly into Yoochun's back who had been standing with his arms crossed over his chest talking to Jaejoong. The taller boy looked over his shoulder at Junsu who had suddenly wrapped his arms around Yoochun and declared that he was now about to go to sleep against the other boy.

"Don't hog him!" Changmin bellowed, as he tiredly slumped against Yoochun who could now feel his knees buckling under the combined weight of his two group mates.

"Yah! Who said the two of you could use me as a pillow!?" 

"Shut-up, you're making too much noise!" Junsu complained. Changmin giggled.

Jaejoong looked a bit frazzled by their antics, especially considering they were suppose to be practicing. He was going to scold them, but Yunho's wet arm suddenly wrapping around his waist distracted him and he found him-self staring into twin pools of laughing brown eyes.

"Yunho," Jaejoong sounded breathless and it wasn't just because he had been exerting himself for nearly eight hours. "We have to practice, we can't stop."

"It's fine, we're all tired, a little break won't hurt us, no one is around to reprimand us anyways."

Jaejoong wasn't too sure, but eventually he gave up and leaned against Yunho (Yoochun collapsing to his knees and crying out as Junsu and Changmin smothered him). Jaejoong felt as if in this moment the world had aligned and he was exactly where he was meant to be. It wasn't just him and Yunho anymore, it was him, Yunho, Changmin, Yoochun and Junsu; they were a family.

"I told you it would all work out Joongie," Yunho whispered happily into the shell of his ear, not yet knowing how much those words would come back to haunt him. "We'll always be together."

Let's stay like this, forever.

(glitter,  
see how it shimmers,  
falling down on us like a sparkling rain.  
it's shine too eventually fades  
and is swept away.)


End file.
